Better Than I Know Myself
by Crazy GleekPotterhead
Summary: It's not their first fight. But its the first time Kurt left. And Blaine doesn't know how to deal with it. Based on the Adam Lambert song of the same name.


A/N: yeah i wrote this a wile a go and it took ages to type up (because im lazy) but i like it. i posted it on tumblr a while back (like 2 weeks) and now here it is. Based on the Adam Lambert song of the same name (i listened to that song like 30 times while writing this) Enjoy...

There are like 1 or 2 mentions of sex but not any actual sex but its pretty K+ so, just in case

* * *

It wasn't the first fight they had had. Kurt was prone to lose his temper when stressed or over-worked. However, it was the first time that one of them had walked out on the other. It was like an unspoken rule between them. That they could fight and scream and hurl things at each other that they hadn't thought of for years, but as long as they would talk things out before going to bed or at least promise to talk in the morning, everything would be alright. But this time was different. This time, when Kurt looked at Blaine before he left, a look in his eyes that seemed to say a silent 'sorry', it took all that Blaine had not to break down right in front of him. Blaine had been curled up on the couch ever since. He had tried to get annoyed at Kurt for the things he said, but he knew what he had said was worse. He'd crossed a line that was so old, he barely remembered it himself, however, he knew the insecurities that stemmed from it. That was the only bad thing that came with knowing a person for as long as Blaine had known Kurt. You know them inside out, and sometimes better than they know themselves. Blaine knew what made Kurt the happiest person on earth, but also what made him feel so low that he wouldn't come out of his bedroom for days unless absolutely necessary. Blaine didn't know where Kurt had gone, he'd tried to call, but either his phone was dead, turned off, or he was just ignoring Blaine's calls._ Maybe this is the last time_, Blaine thought. _Maybe he isn't coming back._

* * *

Kurt had been walking for ages, so long he didn't even know where he was going anymore. He hadn't really planned to leave, he knew what it meant. But he also knew that if he had stayed in that flat, that he wouldn't have been able to calm down like all the other times and then have make-up sex, like they normally would. His mind wasn't as calm as the other times. Everything had been pushing his buttons lately, from trying to please Isabelle to having to stand his ground at NYADA. Blaine didn't understand when he tried to explain. To be fair, he didn't explain it very well. But that was the thing. Blaine was the person who was made to understand everything. Even Rachel didn't understand sometimes. Blaine always did. He eventually found himself at his old apartment where Rachel and Santana lived. He knocked on the door, tears threatening to spill out of his eyes. Santana opened it. "Brochel are out so if you want one of them you are out of luck."  
Kurt shook his head. "Can I come in?" he whispered.  
Santana, recognising when one of her friends wasn't okay, instantly switched into protective mode, and ushered Kurt in before going to make him some hot chocolate. She came back with the mugs and put them on the table next to the couch.  
"Okay, tell me what's wrong." Kurt didn't say anything. "Look, I want to help you, but I'm not a mind reader, so you need to tell me." Kurt still didn't say anything. "Fine, I'll guess." She thought for a while. "'Wicked' is never going to be performed on stage again. Okay no. Barbra Streisand is never going to sing again?" This elicited a small laugh from Kurt, before he shook his head. "Yes, because Berry would be here crying her eyes out and eating pints of vegan ice cream while watching all of her performance on repeat otherwise." Santana thought again. "Is it…Blaine?" Santana asked tentatively. Kurt gave a small nod before falling, crying, into Santana's arms. "Oh, honey." Santana said, rubbing his back reassuringly.  
"I did it, Santana." Kurt cried. "I left, I walked out on him, I…We promised, to never do that, but I did." Santana just listened until she was sure he was finished."Do you want to go back tonight?" She asked.  
"I don't know." Kurt replied, sitting up and wiping his face.  
"Are you scared?"  
"Yes."  
"Of what?"  
"I'm not sure…It's stupid, I don't even get it myself. We just had this big fight and then he said something and I just couldn't be there anymore."  
Santana sighed. "Did he look sorry after he said this thing that made you want to leave?"  
"I'm not sure. I didn't stay long enough to see. He didn't try to stop me leaving, but I guess he didn't think I would."  
"Okay then. I think you should stay with me tonight. Knowing Rachel she'll probably stay at Brody's anyway. And if she comes back she'll just have to sleep on the couch."  
Kurt smiled. "Thank you."  
"Anytime, porcelain, anytime."  
"I don't have anything to wear."  
"I have some sweatpants I can lend you. They might be a bit tight around _certain_ areas, but I think you'll be fine." Kurt smiled again. "You're a great friend Santana." He said as he began walking down the hall when she shouted, "And don't you forget it! Because I am expecting children named after me for all my hard work in this relationship!"

* * *

Blaine checked the clock. 12:00. It had been 3 hours since Kurt left. Blaine had eventually forced himself up to change and try and sleep, but he couldn't. He always slept better with Kurt. Just something about having a firm body pressed against his, let him get to sleep so much faster, and so much deeper. In the end, after coming to the conclusion that he wasn't going to sleep, he got up, put his glasses on, and then went to watch some late night TV. He had never felt so alone. Even when he got back before Kurt, because he had taken a late shift or something like that, knowing that Kurt was coming back, that he would be able to leap up from wherever he was sitting and hug him, or smile if he joined him in bed at the end of the day, or anywhere. But not knowing, was the worst part. So Blaine picked up the phone and called the first person he could think of.  
"Hey, kid." Burt said, as he answered the phone.  
"Burt, its Blaine." Blaine replied shakily.  
"Oh, Blaine, what's wrong? You don't sound okay."  
Classic Burt. He always knew if and when something was wrong. It was like a sixth sense. "It's…about Kurt. We…"  
"I'm not going to prosecute you for having a fight with my son, Blaine."  
"He told you already?"  
"No, lucky guess. You are as much my son as he is, i care about you just as much and I'm not going to take sides. Now tell me what happened, from the beginning. Exactly what happened. No emitting details to make yourself look worse. I want the whole truth." Blaine took a deep breath before explaining everything to Burt.

* * *

Finally, Kurt settled into a restless, yet manageable sleep; however his dreams were haunted with images of Blaine during the fight. Blaine never was good at hiding his feelings and his face was the biggest expression of that. Kurt saw every verbal blow impact him, and how he tried to put a shield up and retaliate, but he couldn't keep the hurt out of his eyes. Kurt jolted awake. He'd made his mind up. He got out of bed, left a thank you note for Santana, before getting dressed and leaving.

* * *

It was hard, explaining everything to Burt, without realising all the mistakes he had made. "And then he left."  
"Okay. And how do you feel about it?" Burt asked.  
"I feel… lost. Like I don't know what to do. I'm just constantly on the edge. I want him to come back."  
"I understand kiddo. But you've got to give him time. He will come back. And it will feel like he will come back sooner if you get some sleep. So I'm going to hang up now. But know, Kurt loves you. And if he really wanted to leave, he could have gone a long time ago. This is a first and hopefully a last. It just takes time." Blaine smiled brokenly.  
"Thanks Burt. Goodnight."  
"Goodnight."  
Blaine slowly walked into their bedroom and slipped under the covers, breathing in the lingering scent of Kurt, before falling asleep.

* * *

It was 2 in the morning before Kurt managed to bring himself to stand outside their apartment. He had taken a detour to Irving Square Park to clear his head, and think about what he was going to say to Blaine. Luckily, the jacket he had been wearing had his keys in it. He stood outside for a while, before opening the door and putting his keys on the hook. Kurt heard Blaine's gentle snoring from the bedroom, and so went to joining him. He tried to be as quiet as possible, but when he pressed himself against Blaine, his eyelashes fluttered and his eyes opened. "Kurt?" he asked drowsily.  
"Sshh, " Kurt said, gently pressing a kiss to the nape of Blaine's neck. "I'm sorry. Really sorry. I know that me leaving wasn't the best idea, but I came back because I realised how much I need you, just to be near me." Blaine started shuffling, as if to turn around, but Kurt just placed a firm hand on his shoulder. "B, we'll talk in the morning. I promise. I love you."  
"I love you too. Blaine replied.


End file.
